Peer Management: Stop the Mommy Wars

Becoming a mom automatically entered me into the largest sorority of sisters on the planet. I have never had more interaction at Target or the grocery store in my life, especially from adorable older women. And I love it. Liliana loves it. There is nothing sweeter than hearing compliments directed at your sweet baby.

Unfortunately there is also a dark side of the sorority that comes with the not-so-secret sisterhood!

Mommy wars.

Now, this isn’t really exclusive to moms and definitely occurs in the workplace as well. We all have the opportunity each day to build one another up or tear each other down. I propose, however, especially as moms- we need to lay down our weapons of people destruction and replace them with life-giving actions instead. Here are just a few of the biggies:

Replace JUDGEMENT with ENCOURAGEMENT

Judgement often sounds like “I can’t believe she…” or “I would never…”

Instead try to think and use words like “How is your day going?” or “I really like the way you talk to your kiddo. I hope I can communicate that well.”

Choose positivity over negativity.

Replace COMPARISON with REALITY

We all do it. We all shouldn’t. Especially as women, we tend to rank ourselves on the social totem-pole based on exterior things- the way we lose the baby weight or don’t. The way we keep our house or don’t. The way our kids behave or don’t. The way we fill-in-the-blank or don’t. We get discouraged when we think someone else is more “super mom” than we are and we get an ego boost when we can say, “Well at least I am better this way or that.”

Comparison is defeating and deadly to self-confidence, both yours and the mom you’re comparing to. So stop! For heaven’s sake, stop. Compare yourself to yourself yesterday. Become a better you each day and don’t worry about other moms. This is even more difficult in today’s digital world because we get to choose what to share on our public profiles, leaving everyone else to believe that our lives must be perfect.

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Quote Source: http://thejoshuacollective.com/2011/08/16/behind-the-scenes/

No one’s life is as perfect as it may look from the outside. Realize that everyone struggles and everyone has outtakes. Be kind to yourself and gentle with others who may look like everything is perfect, but may be secretly struggling with something. Looking past someone’s perceived perfection may also open your eyes to another opportunity to be an encouragement.

Replace GOSSIP with REPUTATION-BUILDING

Nothing kills friendships or relationships more quickly than talking behind someone’s back. If you talk to friend A about friend B, the. first. thought. that friend B is having is, “Wow, what do they say when I’m not around?” It is never a good idea to gossip.

Gossip sounds like, “Did you hear what [negative thing] she did?” or sometimes, “Wow, we really need to pray for friend B.”  Be careful what you share with others when you have been confided in.

Replace these with,”Did you hear what [positive thing] she did?” or “She is so great at party planning [or other positive attributes].”  People tend to rise to the occasion when they hear they have a positive reputation for something.

For example, I laugh awfully loudly. I realized this when I was younger, but did not realize until I was older that people really appreciate my laugh. When I realized that my laugh encouraged others to relax and laugh, I released the full potential of my laughter and never apologized for it again.

Or in the workplace, speaking positively of a colleague’s work in front of them will boost their confidence and their motivation to continue to work hard to maintain their positive reputation.

In the end, the mommy wars is something I don’t want to tolerate. We can do better, moms!

Take a challenge with me- tell one other mom today something that you noticed that they do great! It only takes a moment, but can bring life to someone else’s day. Happy Friday!

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2 thoughts on “Peer Management: Stop the Mommy Wars

  1. Hahaha – oh the things you take on! Mommy wars are so ugly – but your replacement ideas are nice. Lately I’ve been thinking that I need to remember what is like to be the mommy with young kids when my kids are older, so that I can help other young mommies I see. For instance, one of the nicest things an elderly man did was wait for me to empty the last groceries out of my cart and then he took the cart back to the cart corral for me so I could buckle my kids in and go. When my kids are big I can do that for someone else (OR I can teach my son chivalry and make HIM do it).

    Also, I have learned that my kids are GUARANTEED to do all the things I have sworn they would NEVER get away with. It has caused me to be much less critical when other people’s kids are acting up.

    Preach the message, lady!
    PS – You have an AWESOME laugh.

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